Toonarama - The Players

Player Portraits - 2000s

Fallen from the Ugly Tree - Here it is, the one you've all been waiting for as Toonarama presents the Ugly "B" team. A terrifying team of teutonic terribleness assembled into a gallery of grotesqueness guarenteed to gross you out.

Taffy TerrorsNow that Mister Bellamy has talked himself out of the Toon we are once again Taffy-free. Here is a team from the valleys who were either born in the Land of the Daffodils or played for the Welsh bretheren via leek growing parentage.

Boooooo!!! The Gallowgate boo boys have been at it again and this time it's personal. Toonarama celebrates some of the players that have suffered over the years from the Magpie malcontents

Beaten by the Ugly Stick Peter Beardsley had god given talent, but his looks seemed to come from another source entirely. Toonarama has assembled a terrifying team of players who have been beaten by the ugly stick. Adult supervision advised.

French Disconnection - Robert and Bernard are keeping Le Tricolor flying on Toon but a team of Frenchman have come and gone over the last decade with none of them furthering Geordie-French relationships

Rampant Namism TOONERAMA WORLD EXCLUSIVE- The club has been one of the forerunners in the fight against racism, but our reporters have uncovered an equally disturbing prejudice within SJP. Don't miss this amazing story!

They Crossed the Tyne In Medieval Times the Plague accounted for a third of Europe's population. By way of contrast only 15 players have been carted directly from Tyne to Wear; however who can say this handful of victims haven't experienced the greater suffering. Lets offer our compassion to those inflicted with the Makonic Plague

Toon Tartan - Ever since the dawn of footballing civilisation there has been a strong bond between Scotland and Newcastle United. Past invasions had been of the warring kind, but more recent foot soildiers from North of the wall have been of a friendlier disposition (most of the time anyway). Here we take a look at United's Scottish internationals

Newcastle's Top Scorers 2006 has proved to be a historic year for United with Gosforth's finest finally clambering to the top of the scoring charts. Shearer follows a distinguished line of great centre-forwards but very few of our top ten scorers actually played in the Number 9 shirt.

Magpies Player Records Ever found yourself in an embarassing situation down the local hostelry when your Magpies knowledge has been put to question and you have found yourself flapping. Well let Toonarama help you with the first in a sereis of factsheets that will make you the envy of your mates.

Hughie Gallagher Hughie Gallagher is arguably the greatest footballer ever to play for United. He is the most prolific scorer in the club's history and skippered the team to our last ever League Championship. But that is only half the story for the wee Scotsman whose life makes those of Best and Gascoigne look staid in comparison

Hughie's Heros - They were overwhelmingly small, scottish and relatively senior but United's squad of 1926/27 led by the mecurial Hughie Gallagher were the best team in the land.

Tom Coulthard RIP - Tom Coulthard RIP - Tom Coulthard was a journalist who worked on the Chronicle. In a special souvenir produced for the 1951 FA Cup Final he offers his own unique and poetic descriptions of some stars of Newcastle's past

Keeping the Faith [1940's] In the immediate post war years United generall had three goalkeepers at the club; as a result a number of different custodians got a chance in the team. The main man, though was glove clad Jack Fairbrother for whom United paid a record fee.

Oh Bondage Up Yours! During the fifties the lot of the avarage man improved greatly with full employment and a rising standard of living. Players meanwhile still had their pay restricted by a maximum wage and their careers shackled within an inequitable retain-and-transfer contract system. The Players Union decided it was time to rock and roll.

Fifties penpics - Many of United's true greats played in the 1950's including Milburn, Harvey, Brennan, Robledo and Allchurch. Toonarama presents pen pictures of all the players.

Rock of Gibraltar - Frank Brennan is a geordie legend. It wasn't only opposing attackers who failed to get past him; anything vaguely edible was given equally short shrift. The crowd loved him and his opponents admired him; but the directors still threw him out with the garbage when they believed he was past his sell-by date

Charlie Crowe - Jackie Milburn and Charlie Crowe attended the same trial match, joined the club at the same and both left 14 years later. But whereas Jackie is known the World over Charlie is relatively unknown even amongst the Toon Army. In this article we celebrate the career of one of Tyneside's unsung heros.

Rockin' Ronnie - One of United's best 'keepers Simpson served United with distinction for almost a decade and was a member of the victorious 1952 and 1955 Cup teams. Cat-like agility and reflexes more than made up for his lack of height and he played at the top level for a quarter of a century

Jimmy Scoular - The Iron Man Scotsman Scoular was one of the characters of fifties footballer. Nicknamed the Iron Man as a result of his aggressive style of play, but also a skilful player with great vision capable of playing forty or fifty yard crossfield balls with deadly accuracy. His tongue was almost as brutal as his tackling and this brought him as many enemies as friends even amongst his team mates

Joe Harvey - Joe Harvey served United as captain (longest serving), trainer and manager (longest serving). As Captain he led United to promotion and two FA Cup victories making him the most successful captain too. Not the greatest of players but with leadership skills that were second to none. This article looks at Harvey's playing career

1951 FA Cup Final Team - The same eleven players, seven of whom had played in the 1951 Cup Final, played in every match during the 1952 FA Cup Run. Each player was a star in his own right whose contribution was invaluable; but their greatest strengths were their teamwork, durability and togetherness.

1952 FA Cup Final Team - Jackie Milburn would later state that "for skill as well as spirit the '51 team was the best I've played with or watched". It was a very settled side with eight players appearing in every match and the side remaining unchanged from the 5th Round onwards.

1955 FA Cup Final Team - The same eleven players, seven of whom had played in the 1951 Cup Final, played in every match during the 1952 FA Cup Run. Each player was a star in his own right whose contribution was invaluable; but their greatest strengths were their teamwork, durability and togetherness.

Behind the scenes In our first collection of material from Football Monthly we have some great "behind the scenes" pictures from 1952

The 1969 Fairs Cup team - The triumphant United side that brought back United's one and only European trophy in 1968/69 remained fairly consistent. Newcastle's style was hard and direct with no quarter given at either the front or the back and it was generally much more than the continentals could handle.

The Durham Daddler - Newcastle's history is littered with gifted but enigmatic players who have excited with their skill but frustrated with their inconsistency. Exceptional but unpredictable, Chester-le-Street born Suddick is a prime example. Bobby Moncur believed he could have been as good as George Best but United sold him at 22.

Irving Nattrass - Joe Harvey described Nattrass as his "Paul Madeley" the so called Rolls Royce of footballers. He was a player of pace, poise and perception and was very unlucky not to receive greater international recognition. It's fair to say that no Uniterd defender since has matched the Fishburn flier.

Terry Hibbit and his Talking Left Foot - Malcolm Macdonald once described Terry Hibbitt's left foot as a magic wand; others believed it could even talk. One of Joe Harvey's best ever bargain basement buys the Yorkshire terrier was the player who made the team tick before his controversial departure at the hands of Gordon Lee.

The Sheer Green Class of Tone - Tony Green played his first match for United at the end of October 1971 and played his 35th and last game only ten months later; yet he made such an impression during his short stay that he is rightly regarded as one of the best players to pull on a black and white shirt. Toonarama pays tribute to the wee bundle of dynamite Joe Harvey called "irreplaceable"

Stars of the Seventies - In the early years Harvey performed miracles in the transfer market and signed some of the true greats: Macdonald, Green and Hibbitt. In the later years lack of money, poor judgement on behalf of his successors and a Division 2 status meant incomings measured far more in quantity than quality. Here's our team of the 70s

Hell's Bells Do you remember what you were doing on 7th December 1974? Probably not. Nicole Appleton does (she was being born), Toonarama does and so does former United 'keeper Tony Bell. Find out why it is such a significant date for the tousled haired stopper.

Suit You Supermac - Today's footballers get paid far too much, but it hasn't always been that way. Players once used public transport and lived with landladies. Even superstars of the 70's such as Malcolm Macdonald needed alternative methods of income.

The Wierd and Wacky World of Tudor John Many players and fans have - throughout the history of this beautiful game - slavishly followed pre-match rituals believing that they will either bring good luck or ward off bad luck. For some one particular act must be carried out, whilst others follow a number of different rules. Then there is John Tudor.

We've Got Mirandinha When United signed Mirandinha from Palmeiras they broke new ground by becoming the first British club to sign a Brazilian. It was a risky signing; had the club signed a Samba Superstar or had they been Fumaca'd.

Big hair and tight strips - Eighties penpics Penpics of the all the players who played for United in the eighties. A story of mullets, curly perms and unfeasibly tight strips. It

Squad 2003/04Toonarama presents some brilliant cartoons of the 2003/04 squad drawn by the highly talented Norman Hood. If only the players could match the consistency and quality of Wor Norman's work

On Young Shoulders The brilliant surgery skills of Dr Richard Steadman saved Alan Shearer's career. Now another surgeon claims that he could perform an operation that would extend "The Lion of Gosforth's" career way beyond the end of next season. Read on for the full, amazing story.

Shear Cuts - Everyone knows that Alan Shearer's hairline is receding faster than his speed off the mark. One solution for him might be a hair transplant - but which style should he adopt? Take a look at the alternatives and help Alan make up his mind.